god made me this way

yea, i don't quite get it either, but i love michael cera. really, i do. i think he is super interesting, highly quirky, funny, subtle, king of dorkville, but like i said, i am kinda in love with him...
i know, he's not what one would call 'hot', but i find nerds like him sexy. i am so admitting this huh? so what, tis true bitchez. i wanna bang the kid from 'superbad'... you know 'juno'-s baby daddy... those shorts didn't even turn me off! strange, indeed.
anyhow, he has a short show on-line 'clark and michael'. all of the episodes are 11 minutes short, and it makes me laugh. you should check it!
moving forward: he's going to only get more interesting with age (= time) i'll do em!

www.clarkandmichael.com

g.r + h.c = foreva

... yes people, it's true... this man owns a very rare, and super weird part (almost all) of me. i am a very fixed person, and super hard to impress, but this lil muther has got me wrapped around his being. since i'm 9 yrs old, i have looooved him. he is to a 'T' what i love, and want. bold statement, duh, but i'm psychic.
i have a few great stories regarding he (my love), and i. oh yea, that's right, we've encountered each other before (thanks god) andddd have many people in common (even jim-buk-tu). he just shot a commercial with my friend, and of course he blew up my spot. it's normal. i would have done the same. he (my friend) chimed into his dramatic, animated self, and told him that i worship the ground that he walks on, and that i am madly in love with him, but he also mentioned how 'cool' i am... (?) tis true, bitchez.
yeaaaa... it's all good, cuz that's just how my life rolls. anyhow, mr. future inside of me, and i were at coachella a few yrs ago. we were backstage at lilly allen, and (fairy dust sprinkles all over) guess whose right in front of me?!?!?!?!? GIOVANNI RIBISI! yes, i almost died, but i didn't. instead, i decided to put my head on his shoulder for the whoooole concert. he, let me folks... i know. what was stranger is that he totally didn't mind, PLUS we never said anything to each other about why the fuck was i leaning on his shoulder... I KNOW!!! i couldn't have had the intestine to that alone. thanks allydon! another bff, she hooked it up! she made me feel overly confident to be so retarded. thanks buddy.
anyhow, i can't wait to go to the premiere for 'avatar' (whenever the hell it comes out) directed by mr. james cameron. maybe i will just throw myself at him... or maybe i will drug him... haven't gotten it fully figured out yet. but it's coming.
keep you posted.
btw: he's that thing that tom cruise is, and i don't care. love is unconditional. that is how you know it is true.

i can't wait to get a boyfriend

...MERRY XMAS!!!

i thought about it, and i'm sorry...

but the tape below is just the most homo-est shit evar!!! i can't help it! i was trying really fucking hard to be 'positive', but fuck me! that's just kinda sorta WRONG! amazingly wrong! but i am now in love with it! not him, just his 'moves'. i love how he shapes his finger into a gun when singing 'i'm gonna hunt you down'. woah. anyhow, WHOOOO! that was fucking fantastic!

if you put your mind to it...

he's korean... just like me. damn.

i just knew he was chinese, or something, but no. my kind (korean.) he like could be related to me. 

ok, no, i'm just being racist. superior racism...? whatever, it happens, and at least i can admit it, SOOOO that i can correct this awful taught asian racism. ANYHOW, on to the inspirational fearless young-un, who goes for his dreams. although delusional, at least he goes for what he believes.  you can't hate on someone who tries. that's my 'rule'. hey, he's got my attention! 
but i am highly curious to if he really understands the lyrics... if so, OK!

fake chicken

you can substitute just about anything in this world. just be creative! learn to say 'never', never! look, even nuns figured out a way to still get blasted in the face with white stuff! 

keepin it real

I'm feelin her!!!!. i kinda envision some form of this in my late, late future. a phatty stuffed with cannabis (not tabacco, it kills) just chillen in my 'whateverit'sfabulousgear'. Hangin out on the street somewhere people watchin.

this photo inspires me to keep on creating, taking risks, live for myself, have fun with life, stay open, and own it! 

i love people, but i have never been the one to censor myself for the sake of approval. this photo is the reason why. free to be yourself, who ever that maybe. enjoy the ride to the fullest, because it's the only one you know of, and it's a damn shame to live any other way! 

slap my soul

it is way too cold for me... i'm scared.  scared, because it's gonna take a toll on my fabulous skin. thank god, for my 'mariah carey' humidifier, and TRUST, i will be moist (don't be dirty) all winter! fuck that- i am super serious about preserving my sexy! 

anyhow, i have never been a fan of winter. my friend 'singer-finger', tries every year to get me to see the brighter side of it, but i just don't like hot coco. the great thing is that every year he gives me the same 'winter infomercial' sale: 'hannah it's beautiful, missle-toe (i know i spelled it wrong, but that's how i feel about it, so gay), hot coco (again), 'snow-flakes' (his language), 'bundle-ing up' (his language), and 'cuddling' (the word, not the meaning, super gross.) i always thought that only queer dudes love hot coco (not u coco, the drink)... i guess i'm wrong sometimes... not sure about that though, because 'singer-finger' could always end up queer... i guess time will tell.

anyhow, i think that i need to do something serious tomorrow. discipline is on my mind. we'll see.

god- please make global warming show it's bad-assness. let it show its true color this winter. let's give the world a wake-up call, with a mild fall-like winter, god. don't be scared, god. i think that is the best way to unite the world. we will come together as 'earth-rangers'. amen.

*UPDATE:  from 'singer-finger' to me:    'i know there's a little christmas miracle in you waiting to bounce out with a bell, and fucking buckin raindeer'... I LOVE DAVID SINGER!!! BECAUSE HE HAS THE WORLDS BIGGEST!

blow me

WORDS OF WISDOM: don't suck it, until you know he's worthy.

i don't know about you, but growing up it was 'cooler' to make em beg. like beggggggg. coppin a feelie was one thing, but to put a bunch of random's dick in my mouth, come again?!!

not my thingie, plus it's like degrading, no? 

i am not talking about never going down, to greet the worm, but for me it's gotta be someone that i want to. not some drunk fuck that i just met at a bar (plus wash that shit before entering.)

am i just old school? maybe i am, but i think it's more of a 'power' thing.  lets keep it real, it's a penis going in your mouth, and your sucking it, until he jizzes a billion (now dead) potential human beings... on you, or in your mouth. is just anyone deserving of that?! i don't think so, and i bet you'd agree!

sucking dick, and eating puss carry two different feelings. double standard, hell yea!

all i am sayin is be exclusive when putting a rod in your mouth. you have nooooo right to be mad if he doesn't hit you back! at alll!!! then that's the moment your like ' damn, why did i suck that losers dick'! be careful, and selective. not every dick needs to be in your mouth.

U KNOW i'm right!

good-samaritan choi

GENTLEMEN: snuggle your nuts, and go grab a binki! because, i am about to bust a massive load on ya!

ready?!

ok, here we go:

*does size matter: um, why wouldn't it?!! who ever told you otherwise, lied... or they're fat.

it's not the size, it's what he does with it', think about this statement... you must have something, in order to do something, with it, no? i'm sorry. but it's true :(

girth, is where it's at. the penis is suppose to penetrate, and be considerably larger then the hole.

** THE BELOW DOES NOT PERTAIN TO 'COKE CANS' **

solution: you must (mandatory) work hard on your 'foreplay' efforts, and skills. learn about 'intimacy'. 

going down on a girl (the right way) you gots to... beggers can't be choosers. sorry. anyhow, always remember: it's not a beef jerky, it's just not. make love to that b*tch! clitoris/fingering- this combo works wonders! your goal is to be 'that guy' (the one that all the girls rave about, bcuz he can actually get them off.) * tis true.

*faking it: the answer is- YES. the truth is you probably have been lied to 80-90% of the time, and i think that may even be a tad bit on the generous side. anyhow, it sucks, but it's soooooo the truth. i have many male friends, and they all fire back 1) unanimous 2) denial. they all say the same thing (low tone, never fails) 'i'm sure there are a lot of girls out there who do, but not the ones i've been with'. 

ok, look buddy, here's the problem: women are so scared of hurting your feelings (a dying trend, thank god, cuz it's mean) that they will go all out on the performance. the truth is, sometimes we just want it to end. it's not quite going in the direction we had hoped. *tis true :(

* if she leads, follow... that's a 'sign'.

the problem is you'll never, ever know.

because, we are liars. great liars. greatest liars. before you go attack your bitches, let me tell you why, it's because of you.

she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

liiiiike, she'll literally take a bullet before telling you that it's not happenin. we also wanna get outta there with the quickness (real quick.) sorry :(

solution: accept it. no good in fighting this information. 

great news: you can reverse this one!

- get her mind to relaxxxx (be patient), try smokin a doobie together. 

- music! create an atmosphere.  create a 'mood', where one would want to give you her panties.

- lighting- dimmer.

- candles!!! we love candles. keep it sexy, not the shit from cvs.

- eye contact. not creepy, but at the right moments (figure it out) it's killer!

- attentive...BE! pretend it's... football, and you have to pay attention to every move of the other    player, or your fucked... and not fucking.

- you MUST smell good! yes, yes,  you should always smell good. * instant aphrodisiac

start watching real lesbian porn. pay attention to the intensity of the orgasm, and then strive to deliver that! passion, smooth, exciting, sensual, soft, but still strong, learn to bite, and where to bite, also pulling hair is always in, always, talk to her... communicate (keep it sexy, not creepy.) basically you just need to make sure your 'backup' is as good as your 'first shot'! 

guys, I AM talking to all of you. i hope that you choose reality. if you accept the truth, you can get to work sooner, and go be that amazing sex-giver, that i know you can be! i know that this might have come across mean spirited, but it's sooooo not! i just had it with girls lying all the time! we have kept you here, and this is my way of giving back!

enjoy your holidays in TRUTH! amen!

BTW: THIS IS NOT JUST MY OPINION/EXPERIENCE. IT IS THE TRUTH! ONCE AGAIN, SORRY :(

** NEVER HATE ON THE MESSENGER, NOT WORTH IT **

thanx jim-buk-tu

ok, officially going to be 'happier' on my 'blog' ( crapppp!!)

i'm not an 'angry' person. i just hate the holidays. that's all.

something traumatic must of happened to me. shit, there i go being all 'negative' again.

anyhow, i think i need to have sex.

i think that is the problemo...

i need to get raiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllled by a sex machine (in a romantic way!)

to the point where i am glowing for weeks ( it's not a myth, TRUST!)

maybe, i need to just go there... and fuck my brains out!

hahah! i am laughing because it is true!

i have not 'engaged' in awhile (jst bcuz)... yes, i am sayyyyyyying IT!!!!

i NEEEDDDDD TO FUCKKKKKKKKKKK & GET FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKEDDDDD!!!!!

wow- that's pretty liberating!!!

and, holy shit, i can't believe i WILL post this!

oh, who cares! it's true, and it's out there!

you know, i want a super-fabulous booty call for xmas!

like the most amazing one of em all!!! 

not just for one day, but like, one that is on call, until i want something else.

hrmmm... HEY WORLD, IF YOU KNOW OF A SUPER FUCKABLE GUY, THEN HOLLLER AT UR HOME-GIRL! 

wow- i can't believe i just wrote that, and i am for real going to post this.

once again, who fucking cares! it's now out in the universe!!!!!!

HANNAH'S GETTING LAID IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!

poor guy. ha!

2009 = 30

it's ok.

it's reallllly, ok.

isn't that weird?!

all of a sudden '30' is ok... to me.

never did i think i'd be excited to turn 3.0

but, i am.

and, i know why.

it's because i have seen the real progress in making peace with my 20's. 

in order to empty out my shit, to make room, i had to reconcile, reconcile, andddd reconcile.

so that i can start the funnnn creative process of re-designing myself!

i have been wrappin it up for a over a year now. 

the road has been in an interesting one, indeed!

magical, trying, chaotic, inside, outside, crying (hard), laughing (harder), organic, quitting bad habbits, creating better ones, intensely investigating all of my past relationships, saying 'i'm sorry', essentially just letting go. 

letting go of all of the crap, so i can be here!

fresh! new! and ready to go!

who would of ever thought that, that journey would bring me here! a kid, at heart! forever!

and it's ok!

i look younger than ever, i feel better, and i quit smoking!

the best part is that aquarians (my sign) are the 'celestial fave's' for 09'.

i believe it! because i am right on time!

so, bring it! i can't wait to see what i create!

it'll be fierce. because i am fierce. 

btw: i hate that word (fierce) when used by fag-hags. girls, once in a while. not all the time. it's like saying 'fuck'. u can't say it all the time, because then it has no power.

i questioned my race as a child, like most people, BUT BOY AM I GLAD TO BE ASIAN!!!

the aging process can be cruel, but not for us chinglings!

ok, make good choices, and later bitchez!

joe the plumber

i was sitting back thinking recently, you know, just brain-ing it, and i realized that 'joe the plumber' is now 'famous'.
you can't even just call him 'joe'.
he's 'joe the plumber'.
forever!!
liiiiike, he's a part of our history!
and every other 'joe' out there prob got 'hey- joe the plumber' alllll over their freakin facebook page. shit, my life changed when 'hannah montana' hit the scene!
never, ever again, is he just going to be 'joe' the dude that fixed your clogged shit hole.
this muther-fucker has gotten the best PR known to man.
for what?!
cuz he's a regular dude...
i'm not retarded, i get it. he's an 'example'.
but good god!
have you ever thought about what his life must of turned into?!?!??!

here we go: the biggest election of our time: john mccain (yellow fever, i bet, so no) , sarah ( i'd do her) palin, hilary clinton (i'd do her hubbie), BARACK OBAMA (i'd rock him, once u go black u never go back), and fucking 'joe the plumber' (not my kinda hot sauce.)
that was the 08' line up, ya'll!
kinda funny, huh?!
so, anyhow, i wanna focus on 'joe the plumber'.
his life must of gone insane!!!
can you imagine?!
simple, working class dude.
super far removed from the 'hollywood' bullshit, ANNNND THENNN he becomes the 'it' boy!
mr. reference for 'america'.

the ocd, regarding 'joe the plumber' got so insane that i started wondering if mccain had sexy time with him.
don't lie. cuz u know damn straight that shit was weird!
then there's obama whose m.o is being 'mr. smooth'. moon-walkin through mccain's childish banters while brushing the dirt off his shoulders (yes, h2thaizzo.)
EVEN 'mr. smooth' (obama) couldn't resist!
'joe the plumber' came out of his mouth just as many times as mccain's!
super weird. like it was 'code' of some sort... hrmmm...

anyhow, on to the reallll goodies: i wonder if this all went to his head (joe the plumber?)
i'm sure it did, how can it not?! he fucking turned into paris hilton over night!
i wonder if he started treating people differently...
like, as if he was the shit, cuz the two majors were saying his name + his occupation every fucking chance they got.
i wonder if he's ever jerked off to sarah (sex) palin saying his name on youtube...?
oh c'mon, it's not too far out there!
you think he might of turned into one of those 'lottery winner' peeps?
like, got all up in his head, because his town considered him a 'celebrity'?
therefore, his drinks at the local (everyday @ 6pm on the dot) pub now gave him an 'all access, forever free' drinking pass...
cougars, milfs, + underage town whores started checkin him. btw: that's the quickest way to get a man to become officially delusional. attention.
it also crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe, the 'fame' got to him, and he couldn't handle it, and started doing meth. ok, i take that back. karma.
not meth, but an alch-e.
oh for surrrre an alch-e!
i mean ur on top (out of no where) and then nothing. poof, you've been used, and now it's over.
it's gotta hurt... a little... no?
i just don't wanna see 'joe the plumber' on freakin 'e! true hollywood stories', but i do think it would be fun to do a short documentary on the guy (only if he turned out 2 b a train-wreck.)
like, he had a shrine in his crib of news-clippings, video footage, and... i don't know... a moose head?!
i now realized that this 'blog' is turning weirder, and weirder. therefore, i am going to stop while i am ahead. before i close, id like to say that i really have no ill anything for 'joe the plumber'. it's just his image/representation, and crap that i wanted to mess with. for all we know, he could be gay, and mad as hell that prop H8TE is what it is. who knows!
honestly, i just wanted to see how many times i could write 'joe the plumber'.
i am no different from all the players of 08'!